[et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ admin_label=”section” _builder_version=”4.27.6″ width=”85%” width_tablet=”100%” width_phone=”100%” width_last_edited=”on|phone” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_row admin_label=”row” _builder_version=”4.16″ background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat” custom_padding=”0px|||||” hover_enabled=”0″ global_colors_info=”{}” sticky_enabled=”0″][et_pb_column type=”4_4″ _builder_version=”4.16″ custom_padding=”|||” global_colors_info=”{}” custom_padding__hover=”|||”][et_pb_text admin_label=”Text” _builder_version=”4.27.9″ header_2_font=”–et_global_heading_font||||||||” header_2_font_size=”30px” header_2_line_height=”1.2em” header_3_font_size=”24px” background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat” custom_padding=”|0px||0px||” hover_enabled=”0″ header_2_font_size_tablet=”30px” header_2_font_size_phone=”26px” header_2_font_size_last_edited=”on|tablet” header_3_font_size_tablet=”24px” header_3_font_size_phone=”24px” header_3_font_size_last_edited=”on|tablet” global_colors_info=”{}” sticky_enabled=”0″]<\/p>\n
Fear of Abandonment and Fear of Intimacy: Why We Sometimes Want Love and Fear It at the Same Time<\/strong><\/p>\n Sometimes, fear of abandonment doesn’t look like obvious fear.<\/span><\/p>\n It can look like a constant need for reassurance.<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cDo you still love me?\u201d<\/span> It can mean analysing every message, change in tone, or period of silence.<\/span><\/p>\n But fear of abandonment can have another side, too.<\/span><\/p>\n Sometimes, the person who is deeply afraid of being left is also the person who avoids closeness.<\/span><\/p>\n Because if I don’t let anyone get close enough, perhaps they cannot hurt me as deeply.<\/span><\/p>\n And this is where we can find a paradox:<\/span><\/p>\n I want love, but intimacy scares me.<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n Fear of abandonment is an intense fear that someone important will leave us, reject us, or no longer be emotionally available to us.<\/span><\/p>\n It can appear in different ways and for many different reasons.<\/span><\/p>\n Not everyone who fears losing a relationship has an \u201cabandonment wound,\u201d and not every fear of abandonment comes from childhood.<\/span><\/p>\n However, early experiences can influence the way we experience emotional safety and security in relationships.<\/span><\/p>\n You may notice that you:<\/span><\/p>\n Sometimes, we end up abandoning ourselves in an attempt to avoid being abandoned by someone else.<\/span><\/p>\n And this is a question worth sitting with:<\/span><\/p>\n How much of myself am I losing in order not to lose the relationship?<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n At first glance, it may seem like the opposite.<\/span><\/p>\n Someone who fears intimacy may avoid vulnerability, withdraw when a relationship becomes more serious, or constantly find reasons why the other person is \u201cnot right\u201d for them.<\/span><\/p>\n But behind the distance, there may also be fear.<\/span><\/p>\n What if I get close and then you hurt me?<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n What if you truly see me and no longer want me?<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n What if I depend on you and you leave?<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n Sometimes, the protection becomes:<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cI will emotionally leave before you have the chance to leave me.\u201d<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n When I talk about the \u201cinner child,\u201d I am not referring to an imaginary child living somewhere inside us.<\/span><\/p>\n It is a way of talking about experiences, emotions, and patterns of responding that were learned early in life.<\/span><\/p>\n A child who experienced separation, loss, or inconsistent emotional availability may become highly attentive to signs of distance.<\/span><\/p>\n Another child may learn:<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cI don’t need anyone.\u201d<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n Both can be ways in which a person learned to protect themselves.<\/span><\/p>\n This does not mean that every difficult childhood experience automatically becomes trauma, nor that adult reactions can be explained by a single event from childhood.<\/span><\/p>\n But the past can provide important context.<\/span><\/p>\n This is one of the questions we can explore.<\/span><\/p>\n Your partner doesn’t reply for several hours.<\/span><\/p>\n What happens inside you?<\/span><\/p>\n Perhaps thoughts appear:<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cThey don’t want me anymore.\u201d<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n \u201cI must have done something wrong.\u201d<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n \u201cThey’re going to leave.\u201d<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n \u201cI’m not enough.\u201d<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n Sometimes, our current reaction is much bigger than the situation itself.<\/span><\/p>\n When this happens, it can be worth asking:<\/span><\/p>\n Am I reacting only to what is happening right now, or is this situation also touching something older within me?<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n In <\/span>Family Constellations<\/span><\/strong>, we can explore relationships and separations within the family system, the experience of our relationship with our parents, and certain relational dynamics.<\/span><\/p>\n In <\/span>ThetaHealing<\/span><\/strong>, we can explore beliefs connected to love, rejection, safety, belonging, and emotional closeness.<\/span><\/p>\n These approaches can be complementary to a broader process of self-awareness and personal exploration.<\/span><\/p>\n If fear of abandonment creates intense anxiety, significant emotional distress, or consistently affects your relationships, psychotherapy can also be an important source of support.<\/span><\/p>\n The goal is not to never feel afraid again.<\/span><\/p>\n The goal is to be able to notice the fear without automatically letting it take the wheel.<\/span><\/p>\n Perhaps the most important question becomes:<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cCan I stay connected to myself even when I am afraid that the other person might leave?\u201d<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n [\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section]<\/p>\n<\/span>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Fear of abandonment and fear of intimacy can exist within the same relationship. Discover how early experiences may influence emotional closeness and our sense of safety in relationships.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":9314,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"on","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[65,72,62,82,66],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-9307","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-family-constellations","category-calea-dorintei","category-constelatii-familiale","category-my-dreams-way-2","category-theta-healing"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/ancamonica.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9307","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/ancamonica.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/ancamonica.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ancamonica.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ancamonica.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=9307"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/ancamonica.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9307\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":9326,"href":"https:\/\/ancamonica.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9307\/revisions\/9326"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ancamonica.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/9314"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/ancamonica.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=9307"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ancamonica.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=9307"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ancamonica.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=9307"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}\u201cI\u2019m afraid they\u2019ll leave.\u201d<\/span><\/h2>\n
\u201cAre you upset with me?\u201d<\/span>
\u201cWhy didn’t you reply?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\nWhat Is Fear of Abandonment?<\/span><\/h2>\n
How Can Fear of Abandonment Show Up in Adult Relationships?<\/span><\/h2>\n
\n
But What About Fear of Intimacy?<\/span><\/h2>\n
The Inner Child<\/span><\/h2>\n
What Gets Activated When Someone Pulls Away?<\/span><\/h2>\n
How Can Fear of Abandonment Be Explored Holistically?<\/span><\/h2>\n