The five emotional wounds
Written by Anca Monica
The concept of the five wounds of the child, introduced by Canadian psychologist Lise Bourbeau, explores how early emotional experiences shape our adult lives. These invisible imprints often influence how we relate to others, how we view ourselves, and how we respond to life’s challenges. Healing them is an essential part of growing into emotional maturity and self-awareness.
Rejection:
The fear of not belonging
The wound of rejection develops when a child feels unwanted, dismissed, or not good enough. It can arise even in subtle ways—like when love is withheld or achievements go unnoticed. In adulthood, this often manifests as self-isolation, perfectionism, or a deep fear of being unworthy of love. Healing begins through self-acceptance and learning to recognize one’s inherent value, regardless of others’ approval.
Abandonment:
The fear of being alone
Abandonment stems from emotional or physical absence in childhood—a parent who wasn’t present, attentive, or emotionally available. Adults carrying this wound may fear loneliness or develop anxious attachment in relationships. Healing requires rebuilding trust in one’s own ability to stand alone, nurturing inner stability, and forming connections that are based on mutual support rather than dependency.
Humiliation:
The Fear of Shame
The wound of humiliation arises when a child experiences repeated criticism, mockery, or public embarrassment. This can lead to feelings of deep shame or fear of being judged. As adults, people with this wound may struggle to assert boundaries, often putting others’ needs above their own to avoid rejection. Healing involves cultivating self-compassion, reclaiming dignity, and allowing oneself to embrace imperfection.
Betrayal:
The fear of trusting
When promises are broken or trust is betrayed by those we depend on, a child learns that vulnerability equals danger. Adults with this wound may become controlling or skeptical, fearing disappointment. Healing comes from learning to let go of control, practicing forgiveness, and gradually building trust through consistent, authentic relationships.
Injustice:
The fear of unfairness
This wound grows from rigid upbringings or experiences of conditional love, where being “good” or “perfect” is the only way to feel accepted. Adults affected by it often suppress emotions and push themselves excessively to prove worth. Healing unfolds through embracing emotional expression, allowing vulnerability, and recognizing that self-worth is inherent—not earned.
Embracing the path of healing
Identifying these wounds is not about blame, but about awareness. Each one carries a story waiting to be acknowledged and transformed. By bringing compassion to these inner parts, we gradually dissolve the masks we learned to wear and reconnect with our authentic selves—free to give and receive love with openness and trust.
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